Escape From The Twilight Zone - an amazingly depressing interview with Vanity Fair magazine.

You guys, this is amazing. Rob could not hate his life more if he tried.

“AND THE SKIN OF A KILLER.”

It’s great, when you walk through a day and you know someone is talking to you and they have no idea who you are. It’s such a ridiculous thing to like but it’s so satisfying.

Rob, on not being recognized. 

This man could literally not hate his batshit fans any more than he does. 

The stuff I find attractive in women, I always regret finding attractive. I always like a kind of madness in a woman, and when they are really, really strong. And they’re the worst - mental, strong women! But I like it when they hate me right from the beginning.

Robert Pattinson, on his perfect woman.

Gosh, with that criteria, it’s a wonder he hasn’t called us yet.

We’re not sure what Rob’s smoking, but we know we want some.

Jesus Christ, get Zac Efron! He’s got more social relevance than I do.

Robert Pattinson

Aaaand there’s that beautiful self-loathing we all know and love.

Across the street there’s a high-end sex-toy-and-bondage shop called Coco de Mer. I mention that I popped in there earlier (before the National Gallery, thank you), and I tell him about this insane S&M body-harness contraption they have that allows you to dress up like a horse and have a long tail.

“That’s so English. I want to do this entire interview wearing it, from an equine point of view,” he says, stomping the sidewalk with make-believe hooves. “Seriously. As an experiment in public perceptions. Is the place still open?

This interview is pure gold, you guys.

The more I learn about Rob, the more I am forced to accept that we are perfect for one another, and that I must marry him. Our mutual hatred of him will be the icing on the wedding cake.

He [Robert Pattinson] delights in lymphatic filariasis, where parasitic worms burrow into your lymph nodes and can make your balls swell to the size of watermelons, forcing you to tote them around in a wheelbarrow.

Robert Pattinson, a man of many varied interests.  —

I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.

Rob, on his photoshoot with many naked ladies for Details magazine. 

You’re not helping with the rumors that you’re just Kristen’s beard, Rob…

rebloggable by request