This thing with everyone knowing you, it’s weird, because people have this one-sided relationship where they look at your picture and feel they know you more than someone they actually know. I don’t really know myself that well.

You poor, miserable little hobo

Having a persona people recognize, it’s the thing that probably gets you paid the most—but it’s also the thing that virtually every actor in the world doesn’t want.’Cause, like, no one would believe me if I wanted to play something ultra-realistic, like a gangster or something.

Rob, on how Twilight has essentially ruined his career (or at least will pigeonhole him into roles for the rest of his life). 


It’s great, when you walk through a day and you know someone is talking to you and they have no idea who you are. It’s such a ridiculous thing to like but it’s so satisfying.

Rob, on not being recognized. 

This man could literally not hate his batshit fans any more than he does. 

The stuff I find attractive in women, I always regret finding attractive. I always like a kind of madness in a woman, and when they are really, really strong. And they’re the worst - mental, strong women! But I like it when they hate me right from the beginning.

Robert Pattinson, on his perfect woman.

Gosh, with that criteria, it’s a wonder he hasn’t called us yet.

We’re not sure what Rob’s smoking, but we know we want some.

Jesus Christ, get Zac Efron! He’s got more social relevance than I do.

Robert Pattinson

Aaaand there’s that beautiful self-loathing we all know and love.

Across the street there’s a high-end sex-toy-and-bondage shop called Coco de Mer. I mention that I popped in there earlier (before the National Gallery, thank you), and I tell him about this insane S&M body-harness contraption they have that allows you to dress up like a horse and have a long tail.

"That’s so English. I want to do this entire interview wearing it, from an equine point of view," he says, stomping the sidewalk with make-believe hooves. "Seriously. As an experiment in public perceptions. Is the place still open?

This interview is pure gold, you guys.

The more I learn about Rob, the more I am forced to accept that we are perfect for one another, and that I must marry him. Our mutual hatred of him will be the icing on the wedding cake.

He [Robert Pattinson] delights in lymphatic filariasis, where parasitic worms burrow into your lymph nodes and can make your balls swell to the size of watermelons, forcing you to tote them around in a wheelbarrow.

Robert Pattinson, a man of many varied interests. 

I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.

Rob, on his photoshoot with many naked ladies for Details magazine. 

You’re not helping with the rumors that you’re just Kristen’s beard, Rob…